Statistics

 

 

If we’re all dead there can be no apocalypse

Sounds extreme

Or not

 

Could there be a better way

 

Let’s look at the math

The Reaper takes away (-)

So does the Apocalypse (-)

That means we’re done for, you know, the human race (-)

Now that’s supposed to be correct

The addition

The algebraic equation

Parentheses protecting implications

I’ve always hated algebra I cannot deny

But what if somehow can we stay (+)

How can two negatives make a positive?

I mean even opposing each other a zero results

Still the end

We are done for again

Well

I expect a Nobel Prize if I can work it out

Peace will reign

 

Let’s look at a dragon battle, a simple game

Why

Because they want the prize

Continued existence

Renewed life

Riches untold in food and gold

Positive stuff

Annihilation that equals a positive

Now, keep emotions in check

Warmongering at bay

A mathematical mind

Stay

Focus

 

So

Reaper Dragon (-) meets the Apocalypse Dragon (-)

They face but he dares not bow

Practically

One swipe of the scythe Apocalypse could be gone

He’s too wise, older than time, ancient being to offer his neck

Been around since the creation

In fact he was here first

He boasts

“You must take everyone at once to defeat me Reaper” (-)

I would imagine he’d roar

“Only without humanity there can be no apocalypse (-)

Simply no one would be around to record the event (-)

And you will cease to exist (-)

With nothing to reap (-)

Yet kill humanity you kill yourself (-)

Doom and his instrument, me and you, we are peas in a pod” (-)

 

So far the math follows

But

 

The Reaper considered the reality of his jest

No more than that it could be

“I’m condemned before I get started

Hopeless at the gate

We’ll see”

With a swipe unseen Apocalypse staggered back

Head held on by a thread proverbially

Or still stuck on his shoulders by internal goo

No time for surprise

It did its apocalyptic best to swipe back, retaliate

To conjure chaos, destruction and the end

A sucker punch at the most

Connect it must

“My power… no…

Where did it go?”

The Reaper shakes its head

Smiles that boney grin

“It’s your time, RIP”

Scythe raised a final blow (-)

Apocalypse gone, no more in this place (-)

Into thin air

Vanished without a trace

Not even becoming dust like television vampires do (+)

Yes, television was saved too (+ +)

 

The thing with statistics is although it all adds up

Averages out

One variable throws it off

Changes the graph

Annihilation was high, now it’s low

Execs harumph – humph that it cannot be

A negative plus a negative equals a positive

Read it and weep

 

Well, what do you know

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The First Thing They Teach You Is Never Assume

 

 

You know that’s the thing. If I had a nickel for every time someone figured I couldn’t possibly know anything when I visit his or her country. How could I not? Being an outsider you have to know more, where you’re going, how to get there and most importantly what to do when you get there. Take these two women for instance:

 

I’d flown in to this lovely little town in Northern Italy on holiday. For fun I thought I’d check out public transportation instead of shimmering around like usual, faster of course but as everyone knows public transportation abroad is top notch. I’d taken the funicolare, a tram that gets you up the mountain and then the bus to get closer to the upper city. These two women who were dressed to the nines and feeling no pain from what I could tell got on and were having trouble with the ticket dispenser. They looked at me and knew I wasn’t from around there automatically figuring there would be no way I could help not speaking their language which translated into I couldn’t know how it worked anyway. I watched them fumble and fuss though laughing at themselves the whole time until finally they gave up and sat down. I stood, went to the machine and retrieved the one ticket they thought they’d lost. Looking at each other they busted out laughing and said in Italian, you’re the one who’s not from here and you know how to work the machine – rough translation but you get it. The other walked to me, I showed her what to do and she got her ticket. When they got off they were both still laughing about how the person who didn’t speak Italian knew how to buy a ticket. I waved ciao, ciao and continued on with the bus then decided to shimmer off and fly around a bit. I noticed the two leaving a pub and flew in close to them to say hello. They were startled to say the least as I uncloaked myself and my ride, this big pussycat of a griffin with the softest fur, brooms can be a little uncomfortable – don’t know how they did it back in the day. In fact they stopped laughing and their jaws dropped. “Never assume” I smiled to them, scratched Pikachu behind the ear (yeah, he just loves watching those cartoons) saying, “let’s go”! He raised us up and I watched as one stepped back from the sidewalk stumble sitting into a puddle in the street as she kept staring up. The other hadn’t budged or taken her eyes of me. I laughed out loud as we disappeared behind the clouds.

 

That’s 10 cents right there. Of course if the exchange rate is still around the way it was or better yet the euro’s gotten more valuable over the American dollar, I could make 20, 25 cents for every time. Even half I’d be making out like a bandit.